I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize