She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
