im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize