i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
