when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
