I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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