new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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