yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
