I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
