He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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