her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wish they made helmets for livers.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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