Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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