Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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