eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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