whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
