you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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