There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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