why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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