my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize