There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
