thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
