why didn't you poke me back
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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