smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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