Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
