my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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