i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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