You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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