i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Less talking, more tequila
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
