dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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