Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
