I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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