fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i love accidental penises.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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