On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
try to milk me bitch
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