Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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