He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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