hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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