Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
