It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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