I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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