I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
