I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
