I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
