I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
