Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dignity is for republicans.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
