we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think my moral compass just broke
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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