I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
