No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
