i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
