if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
