Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
