Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
