i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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