i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Randomize
