so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
