lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
