If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
