I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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