R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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