Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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