he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
