Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
