I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
