Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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