Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
