woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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