i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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