Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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