sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize