Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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