You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Actions speak louder than pants.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
