Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
