went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize