FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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