I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
