The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
